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Genealogy

by Human Like Me

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1.
everything has an origin, colossal and microscopic even if we're not sure what it is we might come from nothing, but i doubt it's that simple we might be fabrications trapped in our imaginations we could be the offspring of explosions it's hard to believe in anything when chaos is all we've ever known that's why it's inherent to feel so empty and we listen to the legends they pass down and we concur so we don't have to be alone you're cascading but your light isn't fading you're still candescent in your destruction there's nothing but brilliance in your combustion drowning in waves, miles away i think i can (almost) see the shore this is a dream stuck on replay this shipwreck, this driftwood, that harbor i feel like i have weathered this storm before gasping for air, no refuge the water that has capsized me and brought us this immense deluge gives me life and floods me with deja vu of a halcyon memory the future is so uncertain i get paralyzed with overwhelming fear i'm lost in my thoughts and i've lost where i think i should be i've lost who i am and i've lost another year as many times as we've seen it through there's no telling what tomorrow brings always making mountains out of molehills i never knew i was wrong about so many things we're all slowly dying, mostly from the suspense waiting and wondering when will anything make any sense? and even now when it's so hard there's some kind of strange beauty in all of this we can believe everything's for a reason but it's hard to keep sight of the light in this darkness this is what you get when you put your faith in something so abstract: unanswered questions that beg for resolution will be our downfall
2.
waiting for words that wont ever come who are you to waste my time? wondering why i feel so numb and how nothing feels real thinking of where and when i went wrong it’s been so long it’s hard (to know) it's been so long from what we used to be its been so long that i can’t let go months can pass without our paths crossing and slowly but surely the intensity disappears but the instant your voice dances through my mind i am revived with this surge of hope and fear everything i do to try and bring myself salvation ends up making things worse i want to forget the time i’ve lost and move on but i’m constantly trapped by different versions of you there’s so much to say that i don’t know where to start and i’m scared i’ll end up like every other story you tell we should have known that the sun and the clouds wouldn’t always hold together we slowly found out that everything ends no matter what the weather even though you have your death grip holding onto the thing with feathers and in the end what do i have to show for all of my endeavors? let’s postpone the inevitable one more time for good measure and even if we survive the collapse of our sun we will not survive forever your smile sends strange vibrations through my troubled soul your eyes scream what i need you to say and make me take mine off the goal dream about ways to show you everything i feel inside wake up, bite my tongue oh well at least i tried you will no longer define my existence except in instances in which i forget that without you i wouldn’t be who i am right now and that’s the reason i won’t surrender you yet
3.
Plans 04:30
i’ve drawn out maps and pictures and figures of what i think my life should be i’ve plotted graphs and constructed charts for my goals and expectations and all the to do lists i write and all the quiet aspirations i keep inside have me struggling to not feel quite so complacent nothing at this point is how it sounded in the ad and the world’s not waiting on me to stop playing pretend i almost don’t feel anything when you shatter me with your gaze i’m just standing still while you transcend tomorrow has gotten here so fast and it doesn’t feel like any time has passed and the future is just some abstract idea yesterday has come and gone and it won’t be soon before long we’ll be toasting away another year nothing so far is how it sounded in the ad and the world’s not waiting on me to stop playing pretend i almost don’t feel anything when you shatter me with your gaze i’m just standing still while you transcend and i am finally starting to see that plans are so arbitrary they haven’t gotten me anywhere so far tell me what’s the point in worrying about things out of my control it’s hard enough trying to shoot for par i spent so much time trying not to get left behind and now i just want to be where you are tomorrow has gotten here so fast and it doesn’t feel like anytime has passed and the future’s never been so clear
4.
The Warmth 03:48
your memory resonates within me like an immersed scream unless they’re right about reality being one really long dream a melody that rings out from my mind an echo filled with static your warmth crushes my concept of time forever feels like an elapsed instant walls of words that i’ve saved up inside are about to collapse any minute and bury me underneath a convulsion of your cacophony i get distracted by your dexterity; your ease never ceases to astound this abyss is yet to take form first the earthquake then the flood bloodshed will be forgot in the ensuing storm left in the cataclysmic wake of your overwhelming downpour letting you freely flow was my first mistake mesmerized by all your sights and sounds my senses are about to overflow your infectious refrain colors the most vivid pictures in my brain i’ve repeatedly retraced the outline of your waist and your lingering taste should have dissolved long ago why can’t i transcend your eyes and envelop you in an eclipse? how can i erase you from my mind when i can’t even get your flavor off my lips? the current’s finally calm, the water stopped its thrashing but the recollection of your scent sends tremors through me again the words you whisper waltz through my dreams evaporating all my oceans of optimism into empty brooks and streams we forget every day how small we are but maybe this phenomenon is all we are eternity spans only this moment can i ever feel something besides empty? we are always moving forward and evolving but you are all i see
5.
Limbo 05:04
I forget to exist because i see myself as a shell of you something not so out of the question: “is this lack of self awareness yours or mine?” and i am left like an impression in the abstruse of your mind where my ideas and memories and values and truth are floating in limbo you take away all of my insecurities but you leave me with no defense and you give me an excuse to think with my heart when this dissension gets too intense but when will anything make any sense? the whole is greater than the sum of its parts everything seems so heavy when you’re the only one holding the weight everything used to not be so frail but we didn’t notice until it was too late but everything is a fluid concept whose moistness makes me corrode we are energy that cannot be created or destroyed but that doesn’t mean that we can’t implode and after we collapse there’s no telling what tomorrow brings it’s that same beautiful and terrible ambivalence that makes me think ain’t life grand in the grand scheme of things?
6.
if we are all just victims in a series of accidents how is it you make me feel so inadequate i never would have guessed that you would be my catalyst now can someone please tell me where all my time went? it seems like only yesterday our lives were worry free but these days go by just like a blur to me concerned with the future, it’s so far from my grasp and here in the present i am forgetting my past all of our choices speak volumes, made with clouded vision were the stars aligned? or could we have avoided this collision? i want to coexist with the world like oil and water but everyone has a different definition of religion i want to matter in this life in case it’s my last one but i have no idea where to begin or where i’m going or who i am or how i’m doing but i’ll lie to your face if you’re asking how i’ve been if our body is just the apparatus that gets us from points A to B what does it say about us? and we’re too short sighted to see only after it rains down Armageddon and once our egos have melted can we conquer this stream of consciousness and let our souls finally be free i can’t understand the words you speak even though we say the same things we both want what’s best for the world but we pledge allegiance to different kings our quarrel is not with each other but there’s no one else to blame and if it has to be either you or me how can we be one and the same? we’re wasting our time with worries of such trivial things i want to drown myself in what’s important to me everything circles back around to real love we are here right now, we are alive, and that is enough

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released March 29, 2013

perfectly recorded/mixed/mastered/pwned by Ross Farbe himself

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Human Like Me Baton Rouge, Louisiana

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